I Hate New York
by ibelieveinloveeverlasting
Summary: Justin went to New York, but hates it. He thinks Brian won't want him if he doesn't succeed so he stays. What happens when his health deteriorates and he ends up in the hospital?
1. Chapter 1

JUSTIN POV

_Dear Brian,_

_ I'm writing this to you, even though I know I will never send it. It's been two months since I left for New York and I hate it. I hate everything about it. I can't draw, paint or anything. I can't eat, sleep. I'm dysfunctional. I can barely hold this pen; my hand has become so bad. This isn't my dream, it never was. My dream is to be with you. We talk every night and I know you are proud of me, but the truth is all I want to do is come home to you. I don't want you to be disappointed in me though, that's why I stay here. I Hate it. I'm sick. I know I am, but I don't care. I'm thinking maybe if I can just be good enough here you'll let me come home and then we can be together and I can be happy again. I wish we had gotten married. That sounds selfish, but then... nevermind. It's dumb, I just…. I feel like if I don't do this then I will have failed you and you won't love me anymore, because I'm not as good as you thought I was. I'm so tired I think…._

That's how the letter ended. A few hours later Justin's roommate came home and screamed. Justin was unconscious on the floor, bleeding from the nose, and he wasn't breathing. She called 911 and gave him mouth to mouth. When the EMT got there she did the first thing she thought of and got in the ambulance, grabbing the note Justin had been writing, and called the number Justin gave her for emergencies and handed it to the Ambulance worker.

Brian POV

Brian had been sitting at his desk staring at a picture of Justin, feeling nostalgic. He wanted Justin home, but didn't want to ruin Justin's dream. His phone rang and a number he didn't recognize popped up on the display.

"Kinney."

"Hi, um Brian. This is Allie um Justin's roommate. HE… I came home and he was passed out not breathing and I'm on the way to the hospital and they need his allergies and he gave me your number so if you could just talk to the EMT thanks." Brian felt his heart clench. Justin was on his way to a hospital. What had happened? "Hello, I need a list of Mr. Taylor's allergies." Came a gruff male voice over the line. Brian listed them automatically.

"Will he be okay?" he asked hopefully. There was a sigh.

"Honestly sir, I'm not sure. I've never seen someone this bad. There is hope though." Then the phone disconnected. Brian put his phone down slowly, letting this news sink in. Justin was dying. Justin could die and Brian wasn't there. Tears slipped down his face but he wiped them away. He picked up his phone and pressed speed dial 4.

"Cynthia, book me on the next flight to New York. Actually screw it. Get the Jet ready. Now. I want to leave 15 minutes ago. I know I said it was a present for Justin, but he's in the hospital and I need to get there now. Thank you. Okay 15 minutes yup." Brian said and hung up. He got out of his chair and pulled out a leather bag. He grabbed the necessities, his pillow, Justin's favorite movie, and his softest t-shirt that he knew Justin loved to wear when he wasn't feeling good. He floored it all the way to the airport and sprinted onto the plane, saying nothing as they took off. He let out a breath of air as they flew. There was no way to speed this part up and Brian wasn't helping by freaking out. What had happened? Justin's roommate had said that she had come home and he wasn't breathing, which means that he passed out. Which means that this wasn't a beating, it was a legitimate health issue. "Please sunshine, hold on. For me." He whispered to no one. He closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep for the remainder of the flight.

When they landed Brian jolted awake with a curse. They taxied quickly and Brian was into the taxi that Cynthia (God bless that woman) had thought to call ahead for. Within 25 minutes he was at the hospital, running through the hallways. He stopped at the nurses' station. "Hi, I'm here to see Justin Taylor."

"Name?" the nurse said looking up. Then she smiled. "I'm going to go with Brian." Brian nodded fervently. "He asked for you earlier. Room 314." She said with a smile. Brian smiled sadly at her and hurried to the room. Justin had been well enough to ask for him. That had to mean something. When he entered the room there was a blonde girl sitting in the chair next to Justin's sleeping form. He cleared his throat and she looked up.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "You must be Brian! I'm Allie Justin's roommate. You got here really fast." She said sticking her hand out. Brian took it and instead of shaking it, brought it up to his lips and kissed it. She blushed deeply and giggled. "I see how he fell for you. You're quite the charmer aren't you?" she said with a smile. "They haven't been in to tell me what's going on. But I'm sure they'll be here soon. He woke up earlier and asked for you. I told him I thought you were on your way. I'm going to go home now if you're going to stay with him."

"Yeah, thank you. You probably saved his life." Brian whispered. She smiled and then pulled a note out of her pocket.

"You should probably read this. It's what he was doing before he passed out. It's addressed to you." She said and with a quick kiss to his cheek she was gone. Brian sat in the chair she had been in and gazed at Justin. His eyes were bruised and sunken in. He looked thinner than Brian ever remembered seeing him. His skin was paler than usual and he looked weak. What had been going on? Brian leaned over and kissed his forehead.

"Oh sunshine what happened to you?" he asked softly. He opened the letter and began reading, his heart dropping after every sentence. Justin didn't want to be in New York. Brian had pushed him there and now look at the results, Justin was in the hospital again. This had to stop. After this, Justin was coming home with Brian and they were going to live in Britin and they would get married and live happily fucking ever after and they would both get their dreams and Justin wouldn't be sick anymore. Brian smiled to himself. "Why didn't you ever tell me sunshine? I wanted you home. I'm already so fucking proud of you. You had nothing to prove to me. I love you; nothing's going to change us." He whispered and he took Justin's hand and held it in his. After what could have been hours of minutes the doctor walked in.

"Mr. Taylor was in critical condition when he arrived here. He was dying of starvation and exhaustion. He needs to be looked after, but there is nothing more that we can do for him here. When he wakes up we will have a talk about a nutritional plan and if there is any need for sleeping medication. But other than that, he will be fine eventually. He is very lucky. I see a lot of people in better conditions than he was in that didn't make it out alive." The doctor said before walking out. Brian let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Justin was going to be okay. Justin was going to live. He laid his head down on the bed, feeling all of the energy drain out of him. He shut his eyes and slowly fell asleep.

JUSTIN POV

I opened my eyes to the sound of beeping. I looked around and realized I was in a hospital. I started coughing and suddenly a head shot up. I looked over and gasped. "Brian?" I asked softly. He nodded and stood. Then he wrapped his arms tightly around me and hugged me.

"Don't scare me like that sunshine. When you're roommate called i… I thought I wasn't going to be able to get here and if you had died I would have never forgiven myself." Brian whispered into my hair. I smiled softly. He pulled back and sat on the bed facing me. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly, holding up the note I had been writing. I frowned and looked away.

"I didn't want you to be disappointed in me, to think that I wasn't good enough." I whispered. Brian sighed and tugged my chin back over to look at him.

"Justin, I could never be disappointed in you. You are so wonderful and… I love you and nothing is going to change that. Ever." Brian whispered. My heart soared as he said that. I realized how stupid I had been.

"Can I…. Can I come home?" I asked softly. Brian chuckled and nodded.

"You don't really have a choice. I'll drag you kicking and screaming if I have to." He said it jokingly, but I could hear the underlying promise in his voice. He wasn't going home without me. I smiled brightly. He grinned back at me. The doctor came in and started talking about a nutritional plan and asked if I needed sleeping medicine since I wasn't sleeping. I said no and that I would follow the meal plan. He nodded and filled out the discharge papers. 2 hours later I was dressed in brans t-shirt and his pajama pants and walking out of the hospital. Well not really walking Brian was basically holding my up, but I wasn't about to complain. We got in a taxi and went back to my flat.

"Well this is it." I said as we waked in. Brian nodded, looking around. I led him to my room and he chuckled.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, looking around at the boxes. I shrugged. "You never unpacked did you?" he asked coming over to wrap his arms around me. I nodded sheepishly. He sighed. "I really wish this had been different." He whispered. I pulled him to sit on the bed with me.

"It's not your fault. It's mine." I said sternly. He smirked at me.

"At least we can leave earlier than I thought. You're already packed." He whispered, pulling me down to lay with him. His arms wrapped securely around me and I relaxed.

"mmhmm." I mumbled. He kissed my hair and held me tightly. "Brian?" I whispered.

"Yes sunshine."

"Thank you." I whispered. I didn't have to specify, he knew I was thanking him for everything.

"Anything for you sunshine."

FIN


	2. Chapter 2

Justin woke to the feeling of someone brushing their fingers through his hair. He opened his eyes slowly and looked into the hazel eyes that had haunted so many of his dreams. "Brian?" he whispered softly. Brian smiled down at him.

"Come home with me sunshine?" he asked softly. Justin beamed up at him and pulled him down on top of him. Brian kissed him gently and Justin sighed happily into the kiss.

"Yes, God yes. Anything to get out of here." He whispered. Brian chuckled and held Justin tightly in his arms.

"Then I suppose I should get off of you now." Brian whispered. Justin shook his head.

"No, I'm rather enjoying this." He said sternly. Brian smiled and nuzzled back into Justin, allowing the smaller man to curl into his arms. They snuggled for what could have been hours before deciding it was time to get some food. They showered and got dressed, kissing each other as often as possible. They went to Justin's favorite breakfast place and Brian watched Justin carefully. He watched as he kept his injured hand firmly at his side, not using it like he usually would. Once they were back at Justin's apartment, Brian took the hand in his and started the slow massage he had perfected that helped the most.

"Your hand is bothering you." It wasn't a question and Justin's blush told him all he needed to know.

"How'd you notice?" Justin asked. Brian smiled.

"You didn't use it at all. You usually do." He answered, not stopping his rubbing. Justin nodded and closed his eyes.

"The third day I was here is when it started acting up. Recently I haven't been able to use it at all without something happening. I guess I just learned to avoid using it. I didn't have you here to give me massages either." Justin said, his expression making it clear that Brian not being around had an effect on his hand, and not just because of the massages.

"Well, I guess I'll have to stick around won't I? Can't have you hurting." Brian said seriously as he finished. He took Justin's hand and flexed it, then curled it into a tight fist. He smiled as it curled willingly. "Looks like it's doing better." He said with a smile. Justin nodded. "So when do you want to go home?" Brian asked casually. Justin met his eyes with a quirked eyebrow.

"About three seconds after I got here. I'm ready to go home now." Justin said softly. Brian nodded.

"Okay, let's go." He said. Justin looked up at him.

"Brian, we don't have plane tickets or anything." Justin said softly and Brian could hear the hope running through the undertones in his voice. Brian smirked at the blonde.

"Justin, I'm Brian Kinney. I don't need a plane ticket, and neither do you. Come one, we'll get someone to come and have this all shipped back home and you and I can get on a plane as soon as you're packed and ready to go." Brian said with a smile, not even trying to mask the hope that echoed in his voice. Justin broke out into his sunshine smile.

"How quick can we leave?" Justin asked as he walked into his room and started pulling out a suitcase and throwing things in there. Brian smiled.

"Twenty minutes." He said, pulling out his phone. He dialed the number he need and made sure the plane was to be ready as soon as possible, because he and his prince were ready to go home. Then he walked into Justin's room to help the blonde pack. They packed up all of Justin's art supplies and most of his clothes. "Are you sure you're ready to leave the big apple sunshine? We could stay a little longer. Once we get home, I'm not letting you leave again." Brian said seriously. Justin grinned and kissed him.

"Yes, I'm positive. Now take me home Mr. Kinney." He said softly. Brian smirked and nodded, grabbing Justin's hand as they walked downstairs to catch a taxi. Soon they were pulling into the private jet section of the airport. Justin raised his eyebrows.

"What?" Brian asked slyly.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" Justin asked. Brian simply smirked at him. They pulled up to the plane and got out, grabbing their luggage.

"Happy early birthday." Brian said, gesturing to the plane. Justin turned to stare at him.

"You bought me a plane?" he asked confused, Brian chuckled.

"Well, technically it's kinntecs, but yes, it's for you. Well it was. I had to unwrap it for extenuating circumstances. I bought it so that we could see each other. You could fly down here when you could and I could fly up there when I could." Brian explained. Justin beamed at him and kissed him passionately. He chuckled when they broke apart.

"You Mr. Kinney, have become ridiculously romantic, did you know that?" he joked. Brian rolled his eyes, but said nothing. Justin kissed him lightly. "Thank you, this is wonderful, it means a lot to me." He whispered softly. Brian smiled brightly.

"I'm glad you like it." He said still smiling. Justin chuckled and allowed Brian to lead the way onto the luxurious plane. Justin laughed when they finally took off. Brian looked at him confused. He blushed deep red and Brian smirked at him. "What's so funny sunshine?" he asked, poking the blonde in his side. Justin blushed.

"I just… I got a little emotional and it just came out as a laugh." He said looking away shyly. Brian chuckled.

"You're such a girl." Brian said, as he held Justin closer, resting the blondes head on his chest. Justin hummed in response, knowing that Brian was just as happy as he was. Justin shifted, snuggling closer to the brunette.

"Brian?" he whispered into his chest. Brian responded with a noise to let Justin know he was listening. Justin hesitated, before curling closer to Brian. "Why didn't you tell me that you didn't want to me to go? Why did you let me believe that you wanted me to go?" Justin asked softly, a hint of hurt in his voice. Brian sighed and pulled Justin up to look in his eyes.

"Sunshine, I didn't want you to feel obligated to stay. I knew you could make it in New York. I thought it was what you wanted, what you thought was best for you. If I had realized that… what happened would have happened I would have never let you go. I should have never let you go. I'm sorry I wasn't honest from the start." Brian said. Justin nodded, accepting the answer. "Did you really think that if you didn't make it big in New York that I would dump you?" Brian asked after a quick silence. Justin nodded reluctantly.

"I… I thought you wanted me to be the best homosexual I could be. I thought that included New York. I thought that if I failed you would see me as a weakling. You don't like any type of weakness, so I figured that me failing would be weakness, thus you would dump me." Justin explained. Brian shook his head.

"No Justin. I'm not letting you go this time. It didn't matter to me whether or not you made it here, because we both know you have enough talent to make it anywhere." Brian said softly, Justin nodded, unable to think of a proper response. They talked about random things for the remainder of the flight. When they landed, Brian led the way to the car and pushed Justin up against the car door. He kissed him passionately, both of his hands coming up to cup the blonde's face and using his thumbs to stroke his cheekbones. When they pulled apart breathless Brian smirked. "Ready to go home?" he asked with a quirked eyebrow. Justin smiled and leaned up to steal a quick kiss.

"Yes."


	3. Chapter 3

Brian drove quickly, wanting to be home with his prince, where they belonged. About halfway through the trip he looked over and couldn't resist reaching out a hand and caressing Justin's face. Justin leaned into the caress and turned his head to kiss Brian's palm. When they crossed the state line into West Virginia, Justin raised an eyebrow and then his eyes widened. "You kept it?" he asked amazed. Brian nodded.

"Yes, see I bought it for a prince, but he never moved in. I kept it in hopes that he would come back and live there, with me." Brian explained. Justin grinned at him.

"I think that he would like that very much." Justin agreed. They were silent the rest of the trip. Sitting comfortably next to each other, just happy to be together again. When they pulled into the driveway Justin gasped. "God it's so beautiful." He whispered. Brian grinned.

"I'm glad you like it sunshine." He said, leaning over to kiss Justin behind his ear, before quickly getting out of the car. Justin grinned to himself before getting out. Together they carried all of Justin's stuff into the house, setting it down to be dealt with later. As soon as they were done, Brian had Justin pushed up against a wall. He kissed him passionately, pouring out everything he had in him. Justin returned it just as fiercely, pouring his soul into the kiss. "Welcome home sunshine." Brian whispered in his ear. Justin broke out into the smile that got him his nickname.

"Thank you for bringing me home." Justin said as they walked up the stairs. Justin would explore later, but right now there was a much more interesting, warm, loving, Brian to explore. And Justin wanted to make sure he explored every inch. They walked into the bedroom and threw off their bags. Their lips met almost magnetically. Their breathing was soon ragged as they tore at each other's clothes. Brian guided Justin to the huge bed in the center of the room. He laid him down and began to worship his body with his hands and mouth. Justin could do nothing but moan and groan as Brian caressed every inch of him.

Later, as the sweat on their bodies cooled Brian pulled Justin into his arms and kissed his forehead. Justin smiled tiredly. "Thank you." Brian whispered. Justin didn't need to ask for what. That was part of the reason their relationship worked so well, they understood each other. Justin simply buried his face in Brian's chest and pressed a kiss to it. They fell asleep quickly, secure in their knowledge that they would be with the other when they woke.

It was about 7 when they Justin woke to fingers stroking his face. He leaned into the touch, knowing who it was. He smiled as he opened his eyes and confirmed his suspicion. "I thought it was a dream." He whispered. Brian chuckled.

"It does seem too good to be true doesn't it?" Brian murmured. Justin nodded in agreement and then stretched against Brian's body. Brian groaned lightly. "You'll be the death of me sunshine." He joked. Justin just chuckled and pulled Brian up to take a shower. Brian followed willingly, still happy that Justin was home, was staying with him. They ended up downstairs in the kitchen, eating sandwiches when Brian remembered. "Wait here." He said to Justin before running up the stairs and into their bedroom. He pulled out the rings that he had kept, just in case Justin ever came back. He slipped them into his pocket and went back downstairs.

"What was that about?" Justin asked as he walked back into the kitchen. Brian bit his lip and walked over to Justin. He kissed him fiercely before pulling away and blushing.

"I... I uh…" he paused and sank to one knee. "I know I've tried this before, but sunshine will you marry me? For real?" Brian asked softly. Justin stared at him, tears in his eyes. He pulled Brian up and kissed his passionately.

"Yes." He whispered. "Yes I will marry you." Justin said with a voice choked with emotion. Brian smiled brightly and slipped the ring onto Justin's finger, allowing Justin to do the same. Justin smiled his sunshine smile at Brian and Brian couldn't help but smile back so hard it hurt. They finished eating and made their way to the den. Brian turned on the TV and wrapped and arm around Justin, hugging him tightly to his body. Justin snickered.

"What?" Brian demanded. Justin looked up at him through those deceptively innocent blue eyes.

"Are you snuggling with me Mr. Kinney?" he asked mischievously. Brian rolled his eyes and then picked Justin up to lay against him, his face buried in Brian's chest and Brian buried his face in Justin's hair, holding the blonde haired teen to him as tightly as possible.

"No, but now I am." Brian whispered into Justin's hair. Justin chuckled, but didn't go to pull away from the position. He relaxed in his lovers, his fiancés, arms. Justin couldn't help but feel happier than he had in a long time. He was where he belonged, he was home with Brian. He no longer had an empty hole in his chest where his heart had been left with Brian. He was going to get married, this time, this time everything was going to work.

FIN


	4. Chapter 4

I am so terribly sorry this is such a short ending but I didn't want to make it too long and I thought it was an ending that was sweet but fit.

* * *

><p>It was a couple of weeks later and Justin was standing staring at himself in a mirror. He was in a tux and had about… he glanced at the clock on the wall… 3 minutes until he would walk down the aisle and be given away by his mother. Given away to Brian. As long as the brunette hadn't backed out at the last second. The thought sent a pang of fear through Justin's heart. But he knew better than that, Brian wanted this just as much as Justin did. He shook his head and smiled softly at his mother as she walked in.<p>

"No need to worry." She said as he turned to her. Justin quirked an eyebrow. "He's there. I just checked." She explained. Justin let out a small sigh of relief. Jennifer smiled. "You know I never thought I'd see the day when this happened. First of all, giving you away to a man, then when you set your sights on Brian I thought you would never have a chance honestly." Jennifer chuckled. "But now here we are. I'm about to walk you down the aisle, so that you can get married to none other than the famous Brian Kinney, who it seems you have broken." Jennifer said as Justin hooked his arm through hers. "Well, not broken, more of fixed." She corrected. Justin smiled and kissed her cheek.

"You ready mom?" he asked as they approached the doors to the small chapel in the Vermont church. Jennifer nodded and smiled.

"Amazing as it seems, yes." She whispered as the doors opened. Justin looked up and instantly met his fiancé's eye. He gasped. Brian was a sight to see in a tuxedo. There was love shining out of his eyes and when he saw Justin he broke out into the most gorgeous happy smile Justin had ever seen him smile. They walked down the aisle to the beat of the music and his mother's presence was the only thing stopping him from sprinting head first down the aisle to Brian. To the man he was about to marry. They stopped in front of him and his mother placed Justin's hand into Brian's. Brain smiled at her and then turned to Justin.

"Hey sunshine, you ready?" he asked softly. Justin nodded his head. There were only a few people at their reception; none of the 'family' had been invited. They weren't even really aware of the fact that Brian and Justin were still together, or that Justin had moved back to Pittsburgh. They would tell them eventually.

"Yes, are you?" he asked softly, looking at Brian from under his eyelashes. Brian flashed him a grin.

"Definitely." He stated firmly. Justin smiled his sunshine smile at him. They turned to the justice who was doing their ceremony and listened as he read their vows, both of them saying 'I do' when they were supposed to. Suddenly, it was over and the justice of peace looked at them with a huge smile.

"By the power vested in me, I present to you Justin and Brian Taylor- Kinney, you may now kiss your husband." Brian and Justin turned to each other with matching grins. Brian pulled Justin to him and kissed the life out of him. Jennifer laughed happily, as did Daphne when the kiss lasted longer than it should have. This was Brian and Justin though, no kiss was too long. Brian pulled back and looked deeply into Justin's eyes.

"Well Hi there Mr. Taylor-Kinney." He whispered. Justin broke out into a sunshine smile at hearing their new last name.

"Hi yourself Mr. Taylor-Kinney." He sad back. Brian grinned and kissed Justin quickly before turning. They walked down the aisle together, knowing that they could face the world. They could face the world because they were together.


End file.
